only tess dixon can put tim burton before jesus and still be an angel.
i am currently manning the helm of nerd central (aka an octagonal 1970's faux bois laminate table with matching chairs, 17" PC with scanner, and my macbook.) i cant remember if i mentioned this or not, but last week justin and i hit the vintage book jackpot, and i am in the slow (very, very, slow) process of scanning in my favorite illustrations to share with my various flickr groups.
to be honest... i am pretty exhausted, and by "pretty exhausted" i mean, "really exhausted". the funny thing is i am always lecturing one of my friends (you know who you are) that he needs to be there for himself first in order to be healthy and happy and available to help other people. i guess its really easy to plow through everyday and half ignore all the problems, drama, and hurt around you. i guess i always manage to fill the family role as "tough guy" and emotional shut down during the crisis, take care of everyone else, until i crash and burn. i quite honestly didnt even realize until i crashed, how unhealthy all my behaviors have been.... i guess i am finally ready to admit that i have been silently falling apart.
when i returned back from maine in august i started to have a lot of respiratory problems...AGAIN. only this time, instead of my standard two to three weeks of bronchitis, i have become asthmatic (or something). i have been in a constant fight with my landlord for the past three months about water damage and mice "dirt" that i have found in the walls and believe to be the source of my breathing issues. first i was told that the three foot crack in my ceiling and constant littering debris were "cosmetic" then i was told that the mice feces i discovered in my water heater/furnace closet were "my responsibility to clean up" and eventually i had to call the city inspector. i had to get shot up with steroids and buy a special doo-hickey that measures the amount of air that i can get out of my lungs. i have been put on two different inhalers, advair and albuterol, the advair costs $189 to refill (with insurance) so once its out, i wont be refilling it.
my birthday came and went, and was barely acknowledged. i was really in no position to celebrate, too sick, too depressed.
the steroids make me shaky and anxious and then drastically crash... the crashes are getting better as my tolerance to the drugs increases. i had to cancel lots and lots of tattoos, because you cant tattoo if you cant breathe, or draw a straight line.
over the past two weeks my asthma has deteriorated into a chronic cough, which is enough to make me want to pound my head into a wall. sometimes the coughing gets so out of control that i start to gag myself, no bueno.
i am going to see an allergist this week (it has taken me a month to get an appt), and of course, my coughing seems to have subsided over the past two days. i hope i am completely healthy and normal by the time i have my appt, in order to thoroughly compress the fact that no one seems to know whats wrong with me.
on a lighter note, my brother, as some of you know, has a brain tumor. he had most of it surgically removed on wednesday and has already been discharged from the hospital in pittsburg and made his way back to richmond. initially the doctors were expecting him to need two operations and have to stay in the hospital for two weeks. he was in surgery for ten hours and the doctors were able to move almost all of the tumor, except for some of it that was wrapped around his vocal chords... oh yeah, i guess i shouldve mentioned that tom, being the overachiever that he is, couldnt have just a regular ol' tumor. no, his was located at the bottom of his cerebellum and all tangles up in his nerves. they were very afraid that he would lose his ability to swallow and suffer from facial paralysis. he is already completely deaf in his left ear, and will probably never be able to dj again. the good news is that tom was awake and sitting up the morning after his surgery, he was able to talk, smile, stick his tongue out, walk down the hall and up some stairs. he was taken out of ICU that day and kept in a regular ward for one extra day before being released. once he starts feeling better he will start radiation therapy, which will hopefully kill that son-of-a-b "herman" forever. plus, i think that tom should rock an amazing mullet wig after he loses his hair.
on top of all of this i have been stuck in the middle of other personal drama which has been insanely stressful and hard.
amy leaves next week and i will be sad to see her go, even if it means regaining my space and order and structure, it has been nice to have a friend here for awhile. not just a "what are you doing friday night" text/bar friend, but a real friend friend. someone to watch cheesy, embarrassing, girl tv with, and go shopping with, and eat expensive cheese with. i have had SO much fun doing crazy tattoos on her, and will be looking for a replacement ASAP.
....and to top everything else off... the economy sucks, tattoos are for people with disposable incomes, and no one seems to have any of that right now. i was even talking to one of my bartender friends about it last night, i thought that maybe people were tipping less because of the economy, but she said that people are drinking less... or maybe drinking the same amount, just at home?
anyway.... i think this has been the LONGEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD....
so why not add a little more....
i got a little crazy on saturday night at the cous cous 90's dance party, as far as i remember i was on pretty decent behavior aside from molesting half the female attendants breasts, but they didnt seem to mind. if however, i am wrong, and i got fresh with your bosoms and you were offended, i am truly sorry, had i not ingested many, many, xanax, and many, many PBR's, i would have been able to control myself.... on a positive note, i was SO happy to hang with tess, ana, jess, michael otley, nato, and my fav. dance partner nick bryant... you all put the pearl in my oyster... oh yeah, and the always lovely carolyn, whom i just met, but is super cute... and all the other cute girls i met-slash-molested, please re-introduce yourselves when i am slightly more sober. oh yeah, i was insanely stoked to run into joey at empire, and parker! i look forward to trying to catch up with them in the future.
on a final note.... the much anticipated eleventh season of "the simpsons" finally released after over a year. yay!
<3
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